21 things I’ve learned at 21

Hi all it’s me, long time no talk. I actually have a lot of things to write about but I’m just too lazy to edit photos and stuff.

So yes, I turn 21 today and that’s why I finally got the motivation to write something. Turning 21 is pretty exciting and scary at the same time. I feel like I have to be an “adult” now and it is sure the last thing I want to be. But whatever, I’m also super young and I still have my whole life ahead of me to experience and grow.

Anyway, I just feel like writing something very casual to mark my 21st birthday, so I took a little time to reflect and share with you a few things I’ve learned. So here we go:

  1. Family is all. I love them unconditionally.
  2. Friends. I am really really thankful that I have such amazing and supportive people around me no matter what.
  3. A good coffee determines your productivity all day.
  4. It’s okay to be an introvert. 
  5. It’s okay to be average. 
  6. No one’s perfect. We make mistakes, a lot of mistakes. But that’s the way we grow up.
  7. Everyone has a different point of view. Don’t force anyone to think the same way as you do.
  8. Treat yourself. Treat yourself well. Here I mean with delicious food.
  9. Modern family is a great series. So is Friends.
  10. Have fun and enjoy being young. 
  11. Stepping out of my comfort zone is actually not that bad. It’s pretty scary and I’m still practicing it, but I like how it feels at the end.
  12. Reading is important.
  13. Always appreciate the present and cherish every moment. Nobody knows how things will turn out.
  14. Procrastinating is not a good thing but it works sometimes. I seriously need to manage my time better though.
  15. Moisturizing and sunscreen are essential.
  16. You have to let go at some points. Things, and people as well.
  17. Don’t let other people make you feel bad about yourself. They simply don’t have the right to do that under any circumstances. You don’t live to satisfy anyone and there will always be people judging you if you don’t have money, if you are not skinny, if you do not fit in, etc. Well, screw them.
  18. Traveling opens your eyes and your mind. 
  19. As a waitress/waiter, smile when you serve others, it will make the food taste better. And also, as a guest, smile and say thank you to the waiters/waitresses, it will make their work day easier. I’ve learned this thanks to my part time job.
  20. A clean house is key. I miss my squeaky clean home so much. I only realized this after living with two male flatmates and they never clean after cooking and that just irritates me more than anything. Sadly, I cannot afford an apartment alone so I have no other choice but living with that mess and never cook.
  21. I still have a lot to learn. 

That’s all. Thank you so much for reading.

Happy birthday to me.

Much love,

dgnaxoxo-

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an untitled poem

Untitled-1

 

Another day’s just gone away

without saying —

goodbye.

 

 

It’s time —

to sleep.

It’s finally when I can live

my imaginary life.

 

 

Sunshine will softly touch my lips,

the wind will slowly kiss my hair

and the daisies will gently –

lie down next to me.

 

 

We’ll talk til’ eventide,

then the wind will start to scratch my skin

and the daisies will suddenly cry.

And there’re droplets — in my eyes.

 

 

Is it dawn, or is it bright?

Is it day or is it night?

Am I awake or am I asleep?

Or I am —

living someone else’s life.

 

 

A random poem I wrote on a random night (that I’m too embarrassed to put it on facebook)

-dgna-

July 2017

let’s talk about feelings

So we’ve just hugged goodbye. Me and my mom.

I really thought that I would be fine but I guess I am not. Goodbye hugs mean hello to emptiness, hello to being alone, hello to missing everyone and everything.

Not that I don’t like hugging people goodbye but it just irritates me so much when something makes me turn into a weak, emotional and vulnerable bitch. I like being strong. Even when people say that I’m cold, emotionless or unapproachable, I’m totally fine with it. Actually I wish I could be like that because dealing with my emotions was never easy for me.

Thinking about this makes me realize that I’ve always denied my negative feelings. I’m scared to face those “difficult thingies”  so I would just pretend that they do not really matter and say to myself from time to time that I am doing well, I am happy and I am “fine”.

One reason why I hate being alone is that those annoying stuff keep coming back to me. That is why I always need someone to talk to, why I always keep myself busy with books and korean dramas or netflix. I need those distractions to push my negative feelings away and wish that they would just disappear themselves as life goes on. Well, they won’t, as I know now.

I thought I do understand myself but seems like I don’t. Sad huh?

Anyway, I don’t think I’m ready to absorb those emotions so I’m just going to write this note, post it on my blog and then sleep my mind off. It’s not healthy, I know. But that’s my way dealing with it and I know I will be just fine.

Thank you for reading.

xoxo,
-dgna-

random thoughts

I didn’t mean to start my blog with such personal thing but yeah, whatever.

I have to admit that I’m pretty jealous with all the people who know what they love to do, who they want to be and are able to pursue their “passion”. At this point of life (sounds weird), I can feel the pressure that I actually have to start to “care” about my future. The fact that I am and I will always be the one and only person who has responsibility for my life just freaks me out sometimes because I seem “chill”. I don’t have any plans. I don’t know what I will be doing in the next 3 years, 5 years, 10 years. I mean, most people don’t, I know that.

I’m a little bit “behind” comparing to my friends. Most of them are now in the 3rd year or last year of university meanwhile I’ve just started my studying for a month, which means they will probably go to work and earn money in the next 2 years while I will still take classes everyday. That thought makes me feel kind of lost and “useless” sometimes. Under family pressure and society’s pressure in our culture, I’m supposed to graduate just in time as my fellows, get a job so that I’ll be able to feed myself and don’t have to sleep under a bridge. And, you know, “settle down”.

Then I think why do I have to compare myself to others? I’ve just lived a month and 13 days of my 20s. I don’t like the idea of “settling down” as much as I don’t like onion (so relevant I know). Maybe because I’m still too young to think about it but I mean, considering the fact that we only have one life to live, I would love to try different things until I know what I want to do. Maybe if I hate my major I will quit and go for a degree in mathematics (I can’t think of anything else). Who knows? I want to try as many things as I can and find out what suits me, what interests me, what motivates me everyday and what I can call “passion”. It doesn’t mean that I give up on things easily and go try new stuff and then give up again when it’s hard and try new stuff again and again and again. I am and I will be responsible for what I chose and do it sincerely. As much as I can.

I’m happy for those who have found and lived their dream. Those haven’t, just like me, don’t worry because I believe one day we will, it’s only a matter of time. Life is full of opportunities.

I’m still young. You’re still young. It’s totally okay to feel lost and uncertain. Just live the life you want so that you won’t be regret 30 years later. I don’t write this to tell or to “teach” anyone how they should live. I write this to encourage myself to be brave stepping out of my comfort zone and taking chances, to believe in my choices, to put my puzzled mind at ease and of course, it would be great if this post also could have a positive influence on any of you reading this.

Thank you very much for reading my first rambling stuff. Have to go back to my literature homework now 🙂

Stay beautiful,

dgnaxoxo